by Costa Alecrim
A bruised body will often heal faster than a bruised mind.
The next time you’re tempted to say something hurtful to someone just because
you’re angry, you may want to consider the saying: “Sticks and stones may break
my bones but words will never hurt me"
Well, let’s consider for a moment the following…
“Once upon a time, there was a boy who had a very bad
temper. His father noted it and gave him a bag of nails and told him that every
time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the boy drove 40 nails into the fence. As
time went by, he learned to control his temper so the number of nails hammered
gradually reduced too, as he found out it was easier to keep his temper than to
hammer those nails to the fence...
However, there was one day when the boy didn’t lose his
temper at all, so he told his father about it. The father was pleased, and to
further teach his son a lesson he suggested that the boy should pull out one nail
for each day. That way he would be able to keep his temper. The days passed and the kid
was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and showed him the
fence and said “you have done very well son, but look at the holes in the
fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they
leave a scar… just like this one.
The kid then understood how powerful his words were. He
looked up at his father and said “I hope you can forgive me, Father, for the
holes I have put in you”.
Okay, okay, we don’t know the full circumstances that led
the boy to behave that way… As I used to say, there are always
two sides to every story: the boy might have learned those behaviours at home
by watching his parents… or he might have been a victim of bullying, so he was in
pain… and potentially frustrated… or maybe he might have been scared... or threatened... loads of 'maybes', I know…
All these elements put together, might have resulted in the kid's aggressive behaviour towards his father…maybe ...
Every day, when we watch the news, most of the stories are
based on incidents which might have been, to a certain extent, fueled by anger, frustration and aggression. How do we recognise them? They come in many shape and
forms. I just could name a few of them:
-
Assaults (verbal and physical)...
- Gossips...
-
Rebellious (anti social behaviour, refusal to talk)
-
Bullying…
I think that our worst enemies, are always the ones we cannot see... the invisible ones... the ones we cannot prove, such as gossips and bullying, for instance. The latter has always had its place in society and like my
parents and I, there are thousands and thousands of people who have also been bullied somewhere, somehow… by somebody, of course! It can take place anywhere: school, home, club, work.
Bullying causes harm, alarm and distress... not to mention fear! It affects our conditions of worth, our self-esteem and confidence, and so on. Some people can just easily ‘brush it off’ the comments and simply get
on with life… but others not so easily. As our story says “The fence will
never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar” .
Bullying leaves deep marks on us: some victims may develop anxiety… others PTSD… but
others might not be so lucky: they may take their own lives! It deeply
saddens me to see in the news cases such as the 15-year old Jadin Bell, who was
in hospital in Portland, Oregon, as he tried to take his own life for being bullied…
So please remember: a bruised body will often heal faster than a bruised mind.
The next time you’re tempted to say something hurtful to someone just because
you’re angry, you may want to consider the saying: “Sticks and stones may break
my bones but words will never hurt me"
Costa is Hypnotherapist, Psychotherapist and writer
www.hypnotherapyinbuxton.co.uk www.hypnotherapyinnewmills.co.uk
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