Oh well, it is only words... really?

by Costa Alecrim

A bruised body will often heal faster than a bruised mind. The next time you’re tempted to say something hurtful to someone just because you’re angry, you may want to consider the saying: “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"

Well, let’s consider for a moment the following…

“Once upon a time, there was a boy who had a very bad temper. His father noted it and gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy drove 40 nails into the fence. As time went by, he learned to control his temper so the number of nails hammered gradually reduced too, as he found out it was easier to keep his temper than to hammer those nails to the fence...

However, there was one day when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all, so he told his father about it. The father was pleased, and to further teach his son a lesson he suggested that the boy should pull out one nail for each day. That way he would be able to keep his temper. The days passed and the kid was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and showed him the fence and said “you have done very well son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar… just like this one.

The kid then understood how powerful his words were. He looked up at his father and said “I hope you can forgive me, Father, for the holes I have put in you”.

Okay, okay, we don’t know the full circumstances that led the boy to behave that way… As I used to say, there are always two sides to every story: the boy might have learned those behaviours at home by watching his parents… or he might have been a victim of bullying, so he was in pain… and potentially frustrated… or maybe he might have been scared... or threatened...  loads of 'maybes', I know…

All these elements put together, might have resulted in the kid's aggressive behaviour towards his father…maybe ...

Every day, when we watch the news, most of the stories are based on incidents which might have been, to a certain extent, fueled by anger, frustration and aggression. How do we recognise them? They come in many shape and forms. I just could name a few of them:

-         Assaults (verbal and physical)...

-         Gossips...

-         Rebellious (anti social behaviour, refusal to talk)

-         Bullying…

I think that our worst enemies, are always the ones we cannot see... the invisible ones... the ones we cannot prove, such as gossips and bullying, for instance. The latter has always had its place in society and like my parents and I, there are thousands and thousands of people who have also been bullied somewhere, somehow… by somebody, of course! It can take place anywhere: school, home, club, work.

Bullying causes harm, alarm and distress... not to mention fear! It affects our conditions of worth, our self-esteem and confidence, and so on. Some people can just easily ‘brush it off’ the comments and simply get on with life… but others not so easily. As our story says “The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar” . 

Bullying leaves deep marks on us: some victims may develop anxiety… others PTSD… but others might not be so lucky: they may take their own lives!  It deeply saddens me to see in the news cases such as the 15-year old Jadin Bell, who was in hospital in Portland, Oregon, as he tried to take his own life for being bullied…

So please remember: a bruised body will often heal faster than a bruised mind. The next time you’re tempted to say something hurtful to someone just because you’re angry, you may want to consider the saying: “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"

 Costa is Hypnotherapist, Psychotherapist and writer
 www.hypnotherapyinbuxton.co.uk www.hypnotherapyinnewmills.co.uk


Read more on Work Place behaviours 
                  

Hating your job is as bad for your health as being unemployed, researchers warn...

A demanding job, nasty boss and poor job security are as bad for your mental health as being out of  work  |   Only those who enjoy their jobs fare better  |  Also linked to increased risk of heart disease

Having a job you hate is as bad for your mental health as being unemployed, Australian researchers have claimed. They say that people with poor working conditions suffer just as much as those out of work.

And they weren’t just referring to a dusty factory or dimly lit office, but psychological factors such as a demanding job, nasty boss and poor job security. The researchers, from the Australian National University, compared the mental health of British people who were unemployed with those in jobs of differing ‘psychosocial quality’, as they called it.

The study’s author, associate professor Peter Butterworth, said that people unhappy in their jobs were just as likely to have mental health issues as those without a job at all.

 

Those in departments with high rates of promotion were approximately 20 per cent less likely to develop heart disease than those who weren’t. 'It’s largely down to a feeling of being in control (or not),’ said Daryl O’Connor, professor of health psychology at the University of Leeds. 

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2237371/Hating-job-bad-health-unemployed-researchers-warn.html#ixzz2D82ouTb9 

Having a job you hate is as bad for your mental health as being unemployed, Australian researchers have claimed.
They say that people with poor working conditions suffer just as much as those out of work.
And they weren’t just referring to a dusty factory or dimly lit office, but psychological factors such as a demanding job, nasty boss and poor job security.


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2237371/Hating-job-bad-health-unemployed-researchers-warn.html#ixzz2D80qCfGl
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

Hating your job is as bad for your health as being unemployed, researchers warn

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2237371/Hating-job-bad-health-unemployed-researchers-warn.html#ixzz2D7ze2utv
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

Hating your job is as bad for your health as being unemployed, researchers warn

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2237371/Hating-job-bad-health-unemployed-researchers-warn.html#ixzz2D7ze2utv
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

The types of therapy

Talking therapy is a broad term. It covers all the psychological therapies that involve a person talking to a therapist about their problems.

You may have heard of counselling, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) or psychotherapy. These are all different types of talking therapy, but they share some common features.  
For some problems and conditions, one type of talking treatment may be better than another. Different talking treatments also suit different people. A particular one may be best for you and your situation.
To help you decide which one would be most suitable for you, talk to your GP about the types of talking therapy on offer (let them know if you prefer a particular one). Below is a brief explanation of each talking treatment and how they can help.

Counselling

Having counselling is probably the best-known talking therapy and the one most readily available at your GP surgery.
Counselling on the NHS usually consists of 6 to 12 sessions, each an hour long. You talk in confidence to a counsellor about how you feel about yourself and your situation. The counsellor supports you and offers practical advice.
Counselling is ideal for people who are basically healthy but need help coping with a current crisis, such as:

• anger
• relationship issues
• bereavement
• redundancy
• infertility
• the onset of a serious illness

Read more about counselling.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)

The aim of CBT is help you think less negatively, so that instead of feeling hopeless and depressed, you cope better with and even start to enjoy the situations you face.
In CBT, you set goals with your therapist and carry out tasks between sessions. A course typically involves between 6 and 15 sessions, which last about an hour each.
Like counselling, CBT deals with current situations more than events in your past or childhood.
There has been a lot of research done on CBT and it’s been shown to work for a variety of mental health problems. However, this doesn't mean that it's better than other therapies, but simply that others may not have been studied as much.
In particular, CBT can help:

• depression
• anxiety
• panic attacks
• phobias
• obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD)
• post-traumatic stress disorder
• some eating disorders, especially bulimia

CBT is available on the NHS for people with depression or any other mental health problem that it has been shown to help. There are also self-help books and computer courses which use the concepts of CBT to help you overcome common problems like depression. Read more about self-help therapies.
Find out more about cognitive behavioural therapy.

Psychotherapy

Unlike counselling and CBT, psychotherapy involves talking more about your past to help you overcome problems you’re having in the present. It tends to last longer than CBT and counselling. Sessions are an hour long and can continue for a year or more.
There are different types of psychotherapy, but they all aim to help you understand more about yourself, improve your relationships and get more out of life. Psychotherapy can be especially useful in helping people with long-term or recurring problems to find the cause of their difficulties.
There's some evidence that psychotherapy can help depression and some eating disorders.
NHS psychotherapists normally work in a hospital or clinic, where you'll see them as an outpatient. Private psychotherapists often work from home.

Family therapy

This may be offered when the whole family is in difficulty.
In family therapy, a therapist (or pair of therapists) meets the whole family. The therapist explores their views and relationships to understand the problems the family is having. It helps family members communicate better with each other.
Sessions are between 45 minutes and an hour-and-a-half long, and usually take place several weeks apart.
Family therapy is useful for any family in which a child, young person or adult (a parent or a grandparent) has a serious problem that’s affecting the rest of the family. Many types of cases are seen by family therapists, including:

• child and adolescent behavioural problems
• mental health conditions, illness and disability in the family
• separation, divorce and step-family life
• domestic violence
• drug or alcohol addiction

Couples therapy

Couples therapy can help when a relationship is in crisis (after an affair, for example). Both partners talk in confidence to a counsellor to explore what has gone wrong in the relationship and how to change things for the better. It can help couples learn more about each other's needs and communicate better.
Ideally, both partners should attend the weekly hour-long sessions, but they can still help if just one person attends.

Group therapy

In group therapy, up to around 12 people meet, together with a therapist. It’s a useful way for people who share a common problem to get support and advice from each other. It can help you realise you’re not alone in your experiences, which is itself beneficial.
Some people prefer to be part of a group or find that it suits them better than individual therapy.

source: http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/Pages/types-of-therapy.aspx

Something to think about

It is said that several animals decided to found a school. They gathered around in the forest and began to choose the subjects:

The bird insisted that the flying subject was important... The fish chose swimming as part of the curriculum, on the other hand the squirrel found that going up on trees was essential, 

The rabbit wanted racing above everything else...  But suddenly they realised they had made a big mistake: they insisted that all animals should carried out all the subjects..

The rabbit was magnificent in the race, nobody ran like it, but they wanted to teach him how to fly... So he was put on a tree and told: "Fly, rabbit". So he jumped from the top, broke his legs and as a result he didn't learn to fly AND broke his legs...

The bird flew like no other, but it was forced to dig holes like the mole. It broke its beak and wings, and could not even fly anymore nor dig holes.

Sooo... what is the MORAL of the STORY: we are all different in many ways!

Each one of us has something good to offer and we cannot force others to be like us. At the same time we cannot accept to be the way the others want us to be..

We will end up causing them to suffer, and in the end they will not be what we wanted them to be nor what they were in first place...

Anxiety and depression big problems among children

Most of us think childhood to be a time associated with a fun, carefree way of life. However, most children these days are being affected by problems like anxiety and depression. Increased competition that has increased performance anxiety and stress has been held responsible for this by the doctors.

To mark the ongoing mental health week, city branches of the Indian medical Association and Indian Psychiatric Society organized a conference to discuss the most prevalent mental health issues. Anxiety and depression among children was one of these topics.

"In the last two decades, there has been a tremendous rise in psychological problems in children. This is mainly because increased parental and personal expectations because of the competitive environment. Now-a-days, a child is not satisfied by topping the class through his hard work. He has to top the state or the country to be really happy about his achievement as there is globalization of competition too," said psychiatrist Dr Kausar Abbasi, adding "Teachers and the education system have become very demanding."

Dr Nilesh Shah, professor and head of the psychiatry department of Sion Hospital, Mumbai, believes that more than depression, anxiety has become a common affliction among children. "In every class, one or two children can be found who suffer from over-anxiety.

These children get worked up about small things specially before important events like examinations or outings, keep seeking reassurances, lose temper easily and can't sleep well. Relaxation techniques like yoga, meditation, aroma therapy can be used to help them relax when anxiety is triggered," he said.

Some of the other types of anxiety which are not very common include school phobia, separation anxiety disorder when a child does not wish to separate from a parent for the smallest amount of time, social anxiety disorder where social situations and selective mutism where certain special circumstances or people trigger anxiety in the child, he informed.

One of the reasons that the children are suffering from such problems is the comparatively easy life they have. "The frustration tolerance and tolerance limits of children are very low these days as they are getting all they want from a very early age. Anxiety in children can also manifest through behavioral problems like bed wetting and parents should be on the watch out for them," said psychiatrist Dr Rajiv Palsodkar.

source: http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/nagpur/Anxiety-and-depression-big-problems-among-children/articleshow/16716332.cms

Walk your stress out!

We at MetaMind Therapies need a break too, so we decided to go hill walking this weekend in Derbyshire (near Edale and Castleton). 

Enjoying the view...

 

...behind me...

                                                     

...onwards and upwards!

 
 Well what can I say... The weather was beautiful (starting to get a bit chilly now but not cold!), the sun was shinning and the whole team had a great day in the Derbyshire dales!

Most of us feel good after exercise, and it's probably not from endorphins. Physical exercise is good for our mental health and for our brains. Some of my clients say "Oh well, I don't have time to go to the gym.." or "I am too tired to do anything..." or simply "I can't be bothered..." 

I explain to them that if they are stuck in a concrete jungle all day at work, they will be amazed at how quickly a walk in a nice green park near home or work will make them feel better! Just enjoying the trees, flowers and birds - even sitting on the grass for a bit and looking at the sky.

Walking helps to manage your stress and gives you time to think, as well as time to get away from stressors. Getting out of the stressful environment, breathing the air, and feeling your body move is natural stress-relief. Other ways walking can relieve stress:

• Creates a distance between you and the stress-causing environment.
• Observe the environment around you; enjoy the trees, flowers, birds, gardens, sky, storefronts.
• Feel your body in motion and reconnect with yourself.
• Wear off stress-eating calories.
• Take time to work through problems and possible solutions as you walk.
• Talk and laugh with your walking partner to relieve the stress.
• See that there is more to life than your problems.
• Lower your blood pressure and your heart health risk, which can be increased by stress.

Wish a good week to all my readers and clients! Let's get out there for some exercise!

Costa

Anxiety: exams... exams.... exams...

Generally, we all experience some level of nervousness or tension before tests or other important events in our lives. A little nervousness can actually help motivate us; however, too much of it can become a problem – especially if it interferes with our ability to prepare for and perform on tests.

Dealing with Anxiety

The first step is to distinguish between two types of anxiety. If your anxiety is a direct result of lack of preparation, consider it a normal, rational reaction. However, if you are adequately prepared but still panic, “blank out”, and/or overreact, your reaction is not rational. While both of these anxieties may be considered normal (anyone can have them) it is certainly helpful to know how to overcome their effects.

Preparation Can Help

Preparation is the best way to minimize rationale anxiety. Consider the following:

• Avoid “cramming” for a test. Trying to master a semester’s worth of material the day before the test is a poor way to learn and can easily produce anxiety. This is not the time to try to learn a great deal of material.
• Combine all the information you have been presented throughout the semester and work on mastering the main concepts of the course.
• When studying for the test, ask yourself what questions may be asked and try to answer them by integrating ideas from lectures, notes, texts, and supplementary readings.
• If you are unable to cover all the material given throughout the semester, select important portions that you can cover well. Set a goal of presenting your knowledge of this information on the test.

Changing Your Attitude

Improving your perspective of the test-taking experience can actually help you enjoy studying and may improve your performance. Don’t overplay the importance of the grade – it is not a reflection of your self-worth nor does it predict your future success. Try the following:

• Remember that the most reasonable expectation is to try to show as much of what you know as you can.
• Remind yourself that a test is only a test – there will be others.
• Avoid thinking of yourself in irrational, all-or-nothing terms.
• Reward yourself after the test – take in a movie, go out to eat, or visit with friends.

Don’t Forget the Basics

Students preparing for tests often neglect basic biological, emotional, and social needs. To do your best, you must attend to these needs. Think of yourself as a total person – not just a test taker. Remember to:

• Continue the habits of good nutrition and exercise. Continue your recreational pursuits and social activities – all contribute to your emotional and physical well-being.
• Follow a moderate pace when studying; vary your work when possible and take breaks when needed.
• Get plenty of sleep the night before the test – when you are overly tired you will not function at your absolute best.
• Once you feel you are adequately prepared for the test, do something relaxing.

The Day of the Test

To be able to do your best on the day of the test we suggest the following:

• Begin your day with a moderate breakfast and avoid coffee if you are prone to “caffeine jitters.” Even people who usually manage caffeine well may feel light-headed and jittery when indulging on the day of a test.
• Try to do something relaxing the hour before the test – last minute cramming will cloud your mastering of the overall concepts of the course.
• Plan to arrive at the test location early – this will allow you to relax and to select a seat located away from doors, windows, and other distractions.
• Avoid classmates who generate anxiety and tend to upset your stability.
• If waiting for the test to begin causes anxiety, distract yourself by reading a magazine or newspaper.

During the Test: Basic Strategies

Before you begin answering the questions on the test, take a few minutes and do the following:

• First review the entire test; then read the directions twice. Try to think of the test as an opportunity to show the professor what you know; then begin to organize your time efficiently. Work on the easiest portions of the test first.
• For essay questions, construct a short outline for yourself – then begin your answer with a summary sentence. This will help you avoid the rambling and repetition which can irrate the person grading the test. For short-answer questions, answer only what is asked – short and to the point. If you have difficulty with an item involving a written response, show what knowledge you can. If proper terminology evades you, show what you know with your own words.
• For multiple choice questions, read all the options first, then eliminate the most obvious. Unsure of the correct response? Rely on your first impression, then move on quickly. Beware of tricky qualifying words such as “only,” “always,” or “most.”
• Do not rush through the test. Wear a watch and check it frequently as you pace yourself. If it appears you will be unable to finish the entire test, concentrate on those portions which you can answer well. Recheck your answers only if you have extra time – and only if you are not anxious.

During the Test: Anxiety Control

Curb excess anxiety in any of the following ways:

• Tell yourself “I can be anxious later, now is the time to take the exam.”
• Focus on answering the question, not on your grade or others’ performances.
• Counter negative thoughts with other, more valid thoughts like, “I don’t have to be perfect.”
• Tense and relax muscles throughout your body; take a couple of slow deep breaths and try to maintain a positive attitude.
• If allowed, get a drink or go to the bathroom.
• Ask the instructor a question.
• Eat something.
• Break your pencil lead – then go sharpen it.
• Think for a moment about the post-exam reward you promised yourself.

After the Test

Whether you did well or not, be sure to follow through on the reward you promised yourself – and enjoy it! Try not to dwell on all the mistakes you might have made. Do not immediately begin studying for the next test. . . indulge in something relaxing for a little while.

If you are struggling with your feelings and thoughts please contact me on MetaMindTherapies for confidential advice.

Are becoming more and more stressed? Daily Mail article addresses the subject, with a reported 7% rise in admissions to hospital with stress related conditions.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2201469/Hospital-admissions-stress-jump-7-just-year--men-treated-women.html

Stress is a Health and Safety Issue

Stress affects your profits. Stressed staff take more time off sick, are irritable, struggling to cope, and unhappy. Relaxed staff are healthier, calmer, more efficient and more effective.
Which do you think is best for your business?


In 2003, The Health & Safety Executive (HSE) introduced work-related stress audits into its routine health and safety inspections. Despite this:
 

• Stress remains the number one ranked reason for long-term absence for non-manual employees (Source: www.hse.gov.uk)
• In 2009/10 an estimated 435 000 people in Great Britain suffered from stress caused/made worse by their current/past work. (Source: www.hse.gov.uk)
• In 2009/10, an estimated 9.8 million working days were lost through work-related stress (Source: www.hse.gov.uk)
• The 2009 Psychosocial Working Conditions survey indicated that around 16.7% of all working individuals thought their job was very or extremely stressful
• THOR surveillance data from General Practitioners indicates that 30.9% of all diagnoses of work-related ill-health are cases of mental ill-health, with an average length of sickness absence per certified case of 26.8 working days (Source: www.hse.gov.uk)
• The 2009 Psychosocial Working Conditions (PWC) survey indicated that around 16.7% of all working individuals thought their job was very or extremely stressful.
• THOR surveillance data from General Practitioners indicates that 30.9% of all diagnoses of work-related ill-health are cases of mental ill-health, with an average length of sickness absence per certified case of 26.8 working days
  (Source: www.hse.gov.uk)